Trading Pleasure for Pain
by Otsu.Soma.Chan
Summary: Leading a life filled with corruption and blood lust; the men of Schwartz each hold their own secrets about their history, but most mysterious of all is Schuldig….how is that the ‘guilty’ one came to be? Dare you read and find out..?
1. Rememberance

Title: Trading Pleasure for Pain  
  
Disclaimer: Sadly we don't own Weiss..or...Schwarz....well, only in my dreams. ^^  
  
Rating: PG-13, rating may change  
  
Summary: Leading a life filled with corruption and blood lust; the men of Schwartz each hold their own secrets about their history, but most mysterious of all is our dear German redhead, Schuldig..how is that the 'guilty' one came to be? Dare you read and find out?  
  
Otsune & Ari Says: Forgive us; we are, but humble underlings trying to appease the many Weiss fans of the world! We talk full responsibility for all screw-ups in this story and will not be offended if we are stoned together for the mis-telling of facts. However, before you cast your stones, be aware we are not native English speakers and that this is fiction.sometimes things don't always go as according to the Weiss world. So please be kind if possible! Thank you! ^-^  
  
NOTE: Now, the first part of this is just a Schuldig insight; a random rambling if you will. I suppose you can skip right over it if you like, but it';s there for your entertainment if you wish to read it. Oh and this was also once called, 'Commemoration of The Past', but this is the spiffier, updated version.  
  
*~*  
  
My name is Schuldig and I admit with absolute grace and dignity, that I am a complete and utter chauvinistic bastard. That's right; you read that correctly, if you have any doubt-- reread it, dumb ass. Perhaps you're pondering now why I would say such a horrible thing about my own being, but it's really quite simple: because it's nothing, but the complete and honest truth. I've always believed that one should be completely honest with themselves, no matter how brutal the truth may be. It's only fair to everyone that you admit your faults. Now, you may not always do something about them, but as long as you recognize them you're doing pretty damn well in my book. Thus, I say quite freely and proudly that I am a conniving, chauvinistic, underhanded bastard and not in the slightest bit ashamed of it.  
  
All right, so maybe I am a bit disappointed in myself from time to time and denial sometimes catches me in its river at times too, but for the most part I'm honest with myself. I get by and this is the only way I know how to be; upfront, honest and in some people's opinion down right annoying. I see it this way however, I don't need to be anyone else because this-this life of sadistic torture and hunt, it's all I know and all I need to know to get by. I may never know true bliss or an untainted love, but I know the feeling of power and for me that's a high all in itself. Besides I've always had my own little belief system and a mantra if you will...I'd give my pleasure for pain because who knows if the pleasure is real, but with pain.you can never be lead astray..  
  
*  
  
I've noticed that in my years of experience in Schwartz to never assume you know anything about your team mates because quite simply, you don't know much of anything. I know enough to cohabitate with them and not fear for my life (although that could just be my blatant disregard for living), but when it comes right down to it; what do I really know about my fellow members of Schwartz? I know glimpse and pieces of this and that from them, all due to my own digging around whilst their mental shields are at peace, but around these parts information about one's past is never easy to come by. So, you learn to fill in the blanks on your own and considering some of the ideas I've come up with for my dear team, I'm almost petrified to think what they've thought up for me.  
  
It was another sleepless night as I lie awake in bed pondering this, wondering what I had in this world. I suppose the fact that I was dwelling hard on this subject was not helping the matter of my headache, but I needed something, anything at all to take my mind off the horror of my nightmares. As another wave of nausea swept over me I suppressed it with a groan, pinching my eyes shut. The last thing I needed was to spew up and re- meet what I ate earlier this evening and really I guess that the large amounts of alcohol I consumed had a lot to do with my headache and nausea as well. So now I lay here; in sheer head-splitting pain, barely keeping myself from getting sick as I over think myself to death, trying to elude the nightmares plaguing my sleep. I think it was pretty self explanatory from my current state that I was not a happy camper.  
  
I lay silently with my eyes fixed on the ceiling, trying to keep them from sliding out of focus as I fought off sleep as well. I began to wonder if it was worth it, if avoiding the images of my life's destruction was worth all this effort I was putting in. Maybe I should give up? Perhaps if I slept through it all, every last memory I had then I would finally be free. Nothing more would bother me if I just let it play it's self out.  
  
"You simply are pathetic." was the voiced answer to my ponderings.  
  
The voice that spoke was clearly speaking out with anger and agitation directed at me, the voice itself a rich alto that glided through the stuffy air of my room. As the voice fell silent my eyes shot open, weariness forgotten I looked around wildly. There was a pregnant silence in the room before a loud sigh was issued from my right.  
  
"I'm over hear you imbecile," the agitated voice sounded off again. "Christ, you must be drunk beyond comprehension if it's taking you that long to locate me."  
  
Anger flaring at the string of insults that followed this remark my eyes swiveled to the right of the room only to be swiftly pinched shut at the sight I saw. As much as I liked to be in control of myself at every moment of every day I couldn't help, but have a quick attack of panic swell within me. This couldn't be real; this had to be part of my nightmare it just had to be.  
  
"Stop being a child would you?" asked the feminine voice in a reprimanding tone.  
  
"You're not real." I stated firmly. "You can't be real because.you're dead."  
  
"Yeah, I wish."  
  
With that spoken, there was a clatter from on top of my bureau, numerous things I had set atop being pushed to the floor as the other occupant of my room climbed down from their perch and slowly made their way towards me. It was like suddenly my senses were heightened; I could feel their presence, their body moving closer and their breath passing through their lips, I could hear them too, the muffled sound of their feet ever so lightly treading upon my carpeted bedroom floor. Then finally they stood right above me, I could see them-sense them--even though my eyes were still pinched shut tightly.  
  
"Open your eyes now, ausruhen{relax}." soothed the voice above me, an icy hand coming to glide down the side of my face. "Come now..don't be afraid of me."  
  
I relaxed lightly, but still shied away from the chill of her hand. Just barely skimming the surface of her thoughts I felt the impact my action had on her; anger, resentment, fear, rejection, sadness..Other than those brief flickers I heard nothing, I felt nothing from her at all. As I finally came to terms with what I had seen I allowed my eyes to slide open just barely taking in the sight before me. She was young, as young as she had been the last time I'd seen her and so pale and flawless..just like a doll to me still.  
  
"Why are you here? How?" I asked immediately as I allowed myself to finally open my eyes and focus on the person before me entirely.  
  
The girl's face remained unchanged, her pale skin and delicate childish features giving her that doll-like illusion. Like her body may be made of porcelain or china, with two brilliant emeralds for eyes. She seemed so faint against the darkened silhouettes that lay around my room, illuminated only by the soft glow of moonlight streaming through slightly parted blinds. Finally I felt it and I was so terribly aware-she had been there all along, listening to my thoughts, somehow she knew everything.  
  
Upon realizing that I could sense her presence lurking ever so barely in the back of my mind the illusion that held her was broken, the porcelain of her features shattered into oblivion as she smiled-no, smirked at me with a familiar glint in her eyes. I think I gasped, but I couldn't tell what was me and what was her anymore, it all seemed to mesh together; our minds and our bodies followed, becoming one and allowing me to see and feel everything.  
  
I think I may have gotten a feel for what Bradley deals with when pulled into a vision, a swirling of time and place, like a giant black hole sucking everything into its pull. The darkness of my room gave way to a darker shade of bleakness, a color not even tarnished by the streaming moonlight outside. As soon as the darkness had come it was suddenly gone and I was standing in a field of colors and feeling. A gentle breeze caressed my sweat soaked body, causing my white cotton pajama bottoms to cling to my moist skin and chill me despite the sun hanging high overhead. Then I saw her again, standing amongst the swaying grasses and flowers. She smiled, really smiled at me, and in a deliberately slow motion extended her arm towards me, palm lying flat to face the rays of the golden sun above. From where I stood there was no mistaking what she wanted me to see and I saw it clearer than crystal, the marred scar of flesh on her otherwise flawless palm.  
  
"I don't mean to sound cliché," she said, voice placid and soft to match the peaceful scenery. "But you do remember you promise, right?"  
  
I faltered for a moment as I strained to remember. Perhaps it was the fact that I had tried so hard for years to push every memory of my life before Schwartz from my memory or perhaps the fact that I did not wish to remember, but either way my memory seemed to fog over as she inquired me. The marred flesh of her palm exposed before my eyes jarred something inside my locked memories and I found myself slowly mimicking her earlier movements. My arm extended as if on its own accord and I showed as well the scarred flesh of my pale palm. Seemingly satisfied with this her hand snapped shut and a smirk came to her deadly red lips.  
  
"Good," she said in a deathly silent whisper, the words seeming to slide off her tongue and slither in the air between us. "Now keep that fresh in your mind for I've come to collect your debt to me. Remember this."  
  
She trailed off and stared at my palm as my own eyes remained glued to her fisted hand unable to look away. The crimson liquid slowly slid down the flesh of her clenched fist, gliding magnificently down her pale arm and raining down in droplets off her elbow onto the flowers below. It was then as the blood rained down from her arm that I felt the puddle forming on my own palm, the rich warm liquid spilling over the sides of my hand to the ground in a steady stream of crimson. The little girl smirked still and spoke her last words as this world of flowers and sunshine slowly began to fade.  
  
"My blood for your blood, your pain for my pain...and my life for yours." She whispered and the world faded into nothingness.  
  
As the darkness overcame me once again I gasped, taking in a breath of the warm stuffy air in my own bedroom. I glanced around wearily, but found nothing, but my empty room and the moon hanging outside my window. I let out a deep breath, shaking my head lightly. It was a dream again.another nightmare. Slowly I moved my hand, brushing my fingers across my dry palm with a sigh of relief. That's all it had been, another nightmare on another restless night. Yet still, I couldn't help, but shiver remembering the coldness of her hand against my face. She had been so vivid, so alive, despite the fact that I knew she was dead.  
  
*  
  
It was currently raining outside, not as hard as it had been earlier in the morning, but hard enough to be echoed through the sparsely furnished living room as the droplets collided with the glass of the window. Shuldig watched absently as the tiny particles of water pelted against the windowpane. The skies were gray and the atmosphere thick with gloom, it was fitting he thought. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, needless to say, and currently he felt like crawling into a corner and dying. Maybe in death he could get some peace. More than likely not, with luck like his. His attempts to suppress being violently ill last night had backfired at him and he'd been greeting what he'd digested the night before until there was nothing left to greet. Not a very pretty sight.  
  
While absorbed in his self-pity and utter despair, the German failed to notice the insistent calling of his name by one of his teammates. It took a fierce shake before he even registered where he was. Looking over, a cool mask of agitation covering his weariness, Shuldig glared at the Japanese boy at his elbow.  
  
"Ja{Yes}?" he asked snappily.  
  
"Crawford wants to see you in his office." the boy answered the older assassin, raising an eyebrow. "And he says if you don't come right away he foresees a very sudden and painful death in your near future, although I don't actually think I was supposed to tell you that."  
  
Schuldig looked at Nagi for a moment, slowly digesting the information before letting out a heavy sigh. Standing, the German ran his fingers through his messy oranges tresses, brushing past the younger assassin nonchalantly. Knowing full and well that Crawford was more than likely planning to bitch at him for his behavior lately, Schuldig wasn't too thrilled to be conferencing with their leader right now.  
  
"Thanks, kind{kid}." He muttered, sauntering towards Crawford's office.  
  
Nagi watched him go, sapphire eyes following the German's lean frame across the apartment and down the hallway. Shaking his head, Nagi turned to the window, rain still pounding relentlessly against the glass. Touching his fingertips gently to the glass the young telekinetic frowned at his reflection. So he hadn't been the only one who noticed that Shuldig had been acting slightly off lately, Crawford must have noticed as well. All the screaming during the middle of the night, spacing out all the time and becoming deathly silent. It was just so un-Schuldig like. Shivering slightly at the sudden chill he got, Nagi slowly traced his fingers down the cool window, shaky little lines left behind in his hand's wake. So much had changed since Esset's downfall. They were trying as hard as they could to stick together and find decent work, could this new way of life be getting to Schuldig?  
  
Though he highly doubted it, it was the only thing the teen could think up. Sighing lightly mentally, Nagi brought his fingers from the cool glass and let his arm fall back to his side. He stood for a moment, admiring the dark gray sky overhead before turning on his heel and making his way to his room. It was no use slaving for an answer; it would all become clear to him eventually. Or at least he hoped it would, but in this team sometimes logical explanations and answers were a luxury.  
  
As Nagi headed into his room, Schuldig headed away down the hall to Crawford's office. He didn't bother knocking on the door before he entered and simply turned the knob and barged in purposefully. The American sat behind his polished oak desk, sifting through papers and occasionally glancing at his laptop screen. Sashaying in a carefree manner to the chair positioned in front of Crawford's desk Schuldig plopped himself gracefully into it and settled in for a long lecture. Crawford's eyes flickered up from his paper work briefly, surveying the German, before finishing up his reading. Once he was doen with the paper he had currently been reading he worked Schuldig into the flickering of his gaze, his paper, his screen, then Schuldig and then the cycle started once again. He did this knowing well enough how much Schuldig hated anything less then 100% of anyone's attention directed to him.  
  
Giving the man a hard look this time, Crawford folded his hands in front of him on the top of the paper he had just been holding giving the redhead a bit more of his attention. Glad he was finally occupying more of the American's attention Schuldig smirked. Amusedly, his trademark smirk in place, Schuldig tilted his head and mocked the American's actions, leaning onto the desk. Clearly aggravated by the other man's actions, Crawford glared at him and removed his glasses, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"I didn't call you in here to sit and play little games, Schuldig." The man said sliding his glasses back onto his face.  
  
"Well, I didn't expect that you did, Bradley." The German replied mockingly.  
  
Glare worsening by a few degrees, Crawford looked the other man over. Schuldig stared back, clearly still amused by the whole situation at hand.  
  
'So what exactly did you bring me in here for, almighty one?' Schuldig inquired, letting his words echo in the other man's head.  
  
"I brought you here to discuss your behavior as of late." Crawford said cutting to the chase. "Lately you've been acting far weirder than normal and your sloppy work is grating on my very last nerve. What's going on with you, Schuldig?"  
  
Schuldig inwardly cringed at the migraine he felt coming on. He'd figured that his teammates would figure out that something was up sooner or later, but he hadn't imagined that they would actually confront him like this. Then again, his nightmares had been getting much more frequent and vivid now. If the constant headaches and faraway looks hadn't done him in, it had to have been the constant wailing in the middle of the night. These dreams- no, these nightmares just wouldn't end. It's nothing Schuldig could help quite honestly and he didn't see how his apathetic team could help either.  
  
"So, what about my behavior?" Schuldig said with a shrug, his whole demeanor changing to that of nonchalance.  
  
"Schuldig what is going on?" Crawford asked his eyes dark. "We've all noticed it, so don't you dare deny a thing. Spacing out, the wailing, the headaches- god damnit Schuldig! Schwarz's success is built on our teamwork and accuracy. If one person, just one, is inaccurate or insubordinate, the whole team suffers."  
  
A tension filled silence hung between the two assassins, both glowering at the other with all their might. Finally Schulidg shut his eyes, covering his face with his hand as he let out a shaky sigh.  
  
"Nothing is wrong. Nothing that you can help, so just back off, Crawford." Schulidg snarled, peering through his fingers.  
  
The American shook his head. "You're your own worst enemy, Schuldig. I promise you that if Schwarz is injured because of you, there will be consequences."  
  
Letting his hand fall to his side, Schuldig nodded. Damnit! Of all the times to get a migraine, it just had to come now. Nodding his head hadn't done him much good either; the simple motion made him want to get violently sick. Noticing the sudden change in the redhead, Crawford stood and raised his eyebrows in question before his face became hard.  
  
"Schuldig-"  
  
"I'm fine, Crawford!" he snapped before the other man could comment.  
  
Schuldig got to his feet quickly, immediately regretting the action, as it seemed to make the world spiral around him, and made his way to the door. Laying his hand on the doorknob, Schuldig grimaced. Everything hurt suddenly; his world was completely spinning. Crawford made his way from behind his desk and towards the German, but suddenly came to a jerky stop, eyes going distant and features becoming lax.  
  
'Schuldig stumbled to the door, holding his head with a cigarette dangling between his lips. A knock sounded from somewhere down the hall and Schuldig grumbled in German under his breath. He finally came to the front door and slowly reached for the handle. The door came open and a green cloaked figure stood before the redhead, their face shadowed by the hood pulled far over their head.  
  
Flawless, porcelain like hands slowly came to the person's hood and brought it down. Schuldig gasped and the cigarette fell from his lips, eyes going wide. The figure at the door spoke in a tongue Crawford couldn't quite make out, but apparently Schuldig understood and he shook his head, hand coming to cover his mouth in what appeared to be devastation. Then slowly his eyes rolled back and then came to shut as he teetered forward onto the cloaked person. It was all black after that, except two emerald green eyes....just emerald eyes..'  
  
Crawford nearly fell over backwards as the world came back into focus around him and he stood before an open door, the German man nowhere in sight. Shaking his head fiercely, Crawford shut the door slowly, leaning on it as he did so. That vision....that person in the cloak, who was it? Their face was blurry and he could barely make out anything about them. Everything was gone, everything except that vivid color, those emerald green eyes. Where had he seen those eyes before? Those eyes were startling and Crawford wished he could possibly remember something less haunting. Whoever it was, Schulidg knew, but were they a friend or a foe?  
  
*  
  
"An' then we'lla use Rein-Oi, Rein! Care to tune in fr'm tha plan't spaz out to pay some attention, lass?" inquire a deep male voice with a rich Irish accent to the girl's right. "We dunna need an'thing to go wrong whilst we're in the tow'r now do we?"  
  
Pulled from her silent reveries the girl blinked sluggish, dragging her void eyes away from the window to settled on the man addressing her. Her eyes slowly becoming more focused on the bunch currently studying her she smirked and turned right back to the window.  
  
"I'm listening, führer{captain}." she said smirking at her reflection as she watched the rain hit the glass mercilessly. "Yes..I'm all ears."  
  
*  
  
Author's Comments: Slightly cliff-hangerish, but the next chapter will be much longer and more.entertainging, we promise! So please review and we'll see what we can do! Oh and correct us please if any of our foreign languages are wrong! Thanks again! -^^- ~*~ Otsu and Ari 


	2. Blending

Title: Trading Pleasure for Pain  
  
Disclaimer: Sadly we don't own Weiss..or...Schwarz....well, only in my dreams. ^^  
  
Rating: PG-13, rating may change  
  
Summary: Leading a life filled with corruption and blood lust; the men of Schwartz each hold their own secrets about their history, but most mysterious of all is our dear German redhead, Schuldig..how is that the 'guilty' one came to be? Dare you read and find out?  
  
Otsune & Ari Says: Hm...not too pleased with this chapter, but.....the next will explain more and things will actually begin to take on a PLOT! Woo!  
  
NOTE: This was also once called, 'Commemoration of The Past', but this is the spiffier, updated version. ^-^  
  
*  
  
It had sounded like a good plan at the time, really it had. Sex, partying and booze; where could it have gone wrong? Apparently right in-between the sex and the inhuman amounts of booze I had consumed. I suppose I should have learned my lesson last night about trying to drink before sleeping, but somehow I decided to give this a second try. As I had stumbled into my room and threw myself onto my bed, I had been expecting a blissful unconsciousness to take over in no time. Well, it did so to speak and I was soon fast asleep, however my plan didn't go quite as it should have. I was to fall into a very dreamless state of drunken stupor, not a deep web of nightmares and pain. So, currently I had put myself into a situation where I had it twice as bad as before: I had gone from sober and having horrific nightmares to completely plastered and having horrific nightmares. Not exactly what I had been going for.  
  
Not to mention that only an hour into my petrifying state of slumber my dinner and all the booze I had consumed during the night decided to come up and greet me. Fucking wonderful, just mother fucking splendid.....  
  
"Scheiße{Shit}." I groaned, screwing my eyes shut tightly.  
  
I sat slumped beside the toilet with my head lying on the porcelain seat heavily. I wouldn't be sitting here like this hadn't I felt so tired and weak; my limbs felt like lead making it near impossible for me to move. Opening my eyes, blinking at the dim light of the bathroom I let out a deep breath.  
  
"I'm exhausted." I murmured to myself lifting my head only to have it smack right back down on to the seat.  
  
"Well, that usually happens when you vomit up the contents, and then some, of your stomach after a lonf night of liquor and sex." drawled a small voice from above me.  
  
Letting out a groan, I squeezed his eyes shut tightly once more. A girly giggle sounded overhead and I grit my teeth at the sound. Raising my head slightly I let it fall back onto the toilet seat with a 'thunk' once more.  
  
"Not you again, just go away.." I hissed.  
  
"Don't be silly." the girl scolded. "Oh, and don't clunk your head like that. It'll make a dent and you don't want to be known as 'dent man' for the rest of your pathetic, fucked up life, do you?"  
  
Using as much energy as I could muster I sat up and leaned back against the bathtub behind me, my stiff muscles screaming at me for having stayed slumped over for so long. My eyes slid open again and I looked up to the source of the voice perched gingerly upon the counter top staring at me unblinkingly.  
  
"You're too young to be cursing, stop." I think I mumbled letting my head fall to the side to lay against the wall.  
  
"It's your own fault I look this way. Could it have possibly killed you to make me more tall and desirable?" she scoffed eyes narrowing. "This is the only way you see me in your mind....you chose this for me."  
  
'What the in Hell's name was that supposed to me?' was my angered mental reply to this news. The only way I see her; this was the only way she could be, wasn't it? Tilting her head to the side the girl shook her head slightly, her gaze becoming almost piteous towards me. As I shifted again she watched every inch of movement eerily and smirked delightedly as my eyes came to meet hers. I tried to narrow my eyes in a sort of glare, but the girl simply found it amusing and giggled her high pitched giggle again.  
  
"You are so stupid sometimes, Niko."  
  
I glared the best I could at the girl and she rolled her eyes skyward at my attempt to intimidate. Letting my head fall back, I let out a sigh and closed my eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time.  
  
"You're a hallucination. Therefore, I can make you go away. So.....go away." I said trying not to make my head feel as if it were exploding as I concentrated.  
  
I could feel her coming closer to me like I could the night before. It always seemed that whenever I was with her my senses were heightened and my abilities had no end. I could feel the power radiating between us, but was it my power or hers? When I felt her come to a stop I reopened my eyes and met her up-close, her face hovering only centimeters from mine. She looked at me seriously, a frown adorning her porcelain like features.  
  
"I'm not a hallucination and I can't go until I tell you what I came to tell you. You must listen, I-"  
  
A sudden knock on the door startled both of us and the girl before me let out another curse under her breath. She stood up quickly, making me notice for the first time her childish sundress attire, and stared over at the door blankly. There was a softer knock and the girl looked back over at me urgently.  
  
"Schuldig?" came Nagi's monotonous voice through the door. "Are you still in there?"  
  
I stared at her for a moment, watching as she backed up towards the door, waving to me with an odd sort of smile on her face. Her form slowly faded and the doorknob shook, the door slowly coming open. As Nagi's head popped in, the girl was gone and I was alone again. The Japanese boy slid inside and shut the door behind him, giving me a sort of once over. Trying to sit up better, I grunted. One annoyance after another.  
  
"What do you want, chibi?" I mumbled just barely loud enough.  
  
Nagi semi-glared and kneeled down, cleaning up the mess I had made in the bathroom around me. It was always Nagi stuck with clean up, I mused watching the boy work uncomplainingly.  
  
'And it's always me making the messes.' I thought bitterly.  
  
"I heard you speaking..."Nagi began softly, keeping his eyes on the task at hand. "Like you were......talking to somebody else."  
  
I'm sure I visibly stiffened at the boy's comment and turned my gaze from him wearily. Well, it was official; Nagi thought I was crazy, as I'm sure Crawford did. However, no sooner had I thought this, the Japanese boy looked up at me, the smallest look of confusion laced into his boyish features.  
  
"What's going on, Schuldig?" he asked, eyes almost softening. "You've been acting so.......off lately. You won't talk to Crawford about; is it really that horrible?"  
  
"Bradley is just getting his panties in a bunch, it's nothing. I'm just tired lately-"  
  
"Cut the bullshit, Schuldig." Nagi said in a rather authoritative tone, his eyes narrowing.  
  
So the kind{2} did know what cursing was, I thought, slightly taken back by his words. I was almost worried for the boy honestly; 16, nearly 17-yrs- old, and not one girlfriend (save his passing flame for that Tot girl) or had I ever heard him mutter an obscenity before. Despite the situation, I smirked and fought back a snicker. Nagi, however, did not look amused. I shook my head in a deliberately slow manner before speaking again.  
  
"He couldn't possibly understand, -you- couldn't possibly understand."  
  
"Oh? Really now? Try me, you may find I'm more understanding than you thought." he said challengingly before adding in a more gentle tone, "We all have problems Schuldig, it doesn't do any one any good to keep them to ourselves. Let me try and understand, help me understand."  
  
Did this kid honestly have any idea what he was getting himself into? Did he know exactly what he was asking me to do? To trust him and spill my deepest, darkest secrets to him. Half of which I had only just remembered myself. I snorted at the thought and shifted slightly with a wince.  
  
"You don't want to hear about my problems, chibi. They're my own, you have your own to solve."  
  
"They may be our own problems, but everyone needs help sometimes." he said quietly, standing and going to the door.  
  
I watched him go; wishing I could get up as well, but my body simply wouldn't allow it at this point. I let out a sigh and chucked the last of my pride down the drain as I called out to the younger assassin.  
  
"Give me a hand, chibi and I'll tell you.......everything......." I whispered.  
  
Giving a smirk of triumph he turned back to me and kneeled finishing the cleaning he had started earlier. I let out a sigh and relaxed against the cool bathtub behind me as I watched him work. Being the person I was I had to admit to myself; perhaps having someone else know and understand.....just maybe this would make things that much easier for me. Just maybe.....  
  
*  
  
The members of Schwarz were gathered and despite usual congregations in the living room this atmosphere was much more serious. Farfarello was in a straight jacket this time, sitting in a recliner beside Nagi, obviously sedated by the bizarre look cast over his wildly attractive features. The young telekinetic was sitting slouched over the laptop in his lap, typing away like a madman as Crawford gazed over his shoulder studying the screen with a small frown. As the German entered, Farfarello's singular eye lazily moved to gaze at him and he smirked a bit. Schuldig crinkled his face at the madman's smirk and looked to Crawford and Nagi.  
  
"What have you been doing for the past half hour? We've called you several times now." Nagi said in monotone, eyes never leaving the screen, acting as if absolutely nothing ahd changed between the two of them.  
  
Appreciating the normality Nagi addressed him with after his long, drawn out confessions the night before Schuldig smirked and opened his mouth to make a witty retort.  
  
"That's not important now," Crawford interjected before Schuldig could reply with his witty remarks. "We have a new client, our first mission is tonight, Schuldig, and you will for no reason go on to the roof."  
  
Schuldig gave his leader an 'is-that-so?' sort of look and mocked him by nodding, trying to keep straight face. The American's eyes narrowed dangerously and Schuldig could swear he heard him send a growl his way.  
  
"Schuldig-"  
  
"Oh I heard you, Braddy, don't get your knickers in a twist, eh? Stay away from the roof or face some odd twist of doom, I read you like a book, Braddy-kins."  
  
"You can read?" Nagi asked, looking at him with raised eyebrows, his face still serious.  
  
Giving the teen an impolite finger gesture, Schuldig flopped down in a seat across form Farfarello. The psychopath watched him move and narrowed his eyes slightly as the German raised an eyebrow.  
  
"So, how's my favorite anti-Christ this lovely gray skied morning?" Schuldig asked as he reclined in his chair.  
  
"Crawford took my blender." the analgesic {1} member of Schwarz said solemnly, face becoming serious as he turned to leer at their leader.  
  
Schuldig chuckled aloud and shook his head lightly. "Why'd he do that now, Farf?"  
  
"Because I shredded his ugly expensive new tie." the Irishman stated, still shooting daggers at Crawford.  
  
"Ah, the world is a better place without that hideous tie."  
  
After that statement he could have swore he saw Farfarello's eye twitch, but shrugged it off. Soon Crawford stood up at his full respectfull hieight and looked at the other two Schwartz members seriously, but not before shooting Farfarello a withering look.  
  
Schuldig smirked, "Sorry to hear about your tie, Braddy-kins, but I'm sure you'll find one much more hideous to replace it, ja{yes}?"  
  
"I gathered you both here to inform you of our new client, Deguchi Joruri. She's the daughter of Deguchi Seta, the man who owns the Deguchi Technology Enterprise here in Tokyo. Apparently a few do-gooders have found out about the company being a cover-up scheme for drug smuggling and have been targeting Ms. Deguchi."  
  
"Why his daughter, why not him?"  
  
"Ms. Deguchi has been running the company since her father untimely death some years ago. Therefore she's the corporate head leader now."  
  
"Deguchi....." Schudlig murmured. "Isn't that the girl who pushed her father out of a hundred story building to claim the family business? One seriously fucked up bitch if you want my opinion." he snorted.  
  
"Actually yes," Nagi said, shutting his laptop with a small click. "However she was found not guilty and framed her elder brother for the crime. He's been in jail since then. Just last year her mother died of a heroine overdose, but apparently it hadn't been injected by needle, but by dart. Another unexplained family death. She's all that's left now."  
  
Crawford gave Nagi a look and Schuldig fake shivered at the information.  
  
"Such a loving family. Doesn't that just make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?" he said sarcastically. "So what about this mission? We playing baby-sitters like we did for Takatori or detectives?"  
  
"After further analysis of said weapons used against Deguchi-san and what has been found at the scene, I've deducted that it may just be Weiss who has it in for her." Nagi said, getting to his feet slowly.  
  
A wicked smile broke out on both Farfarello and Schuldig's faces. Schuldig chuckled and Farfarello licked his lips in a sadistic sort of manner.  
  
"So we may get to play a few games with our kittens then? Fabulous." Schuldig drawled, stretching out as he stood.  
  
"Hunting the shepherds of His lambs hurts God."  
  
"Shepherds, eh? Clever, Farf, clever." Schuldig chortled.  
  
The madman made no reply, but gracefully, despite lack of limb use, got to his feet. Crawford watched his team wearily and crossed his arms stiffly over his chest.  
  
"This is serious, don't mess anything up." he warned, stalking towards his office, but before he could enter he paused. "Oh and Schuldig-"  
  
"Ja?" the German yawned.  
  
"Stay away from the roof."  
  
"Will do, Brad-Brad."Schuldig said, throwing a mock salute.  
  
'And don't call me Brad-Brad.' he said mentally to the telepath.  
  
The redhead smirked broadly and cupped his hand over the side of his mouth. "I love you too, Brady-kins!"  
  
Nagi sighed and headed towards his room, toting his little laptop with him. Schuldig watched him go and was caught slightly off guard as a pair of keys smacked him right in the forehead.  
  
'Lock Farfarello up.' Nagi ordered.  
  
Massaging his forehead, Schuldig stooped to get the keys and grumbled an affirmative. He beckoned for Farfarello to follow him and headed for his teammate's cell. As he unlocked the door, opening it for the Irishman to enter, Schuldig ran slender digits through his fiery hair. Farfarello paused in front of the German and the redhead undid the buckles of his jacket.  
  
"Alright, in you go Farfie and don't worry; I'll go get your blender and something for you to blend, alright?"  
  
"Why do you call me such idiotic things?" was the madman's reply as he sat down in a corner.  
  
"What? You don't like my pet names for you, Farfamallow?" he asked, feigning hurt.  
  
The other assassin made no move to reply and simply watched the German silently. Finally tired of the staring contest, Schuldig shut the door and headed to the kitchen, not bothering to lock up after himself. Upon entering the kitchen he located another key on the ring and stood on tiptoe to reach the high up cabinet that contained Farfarello's things. Sliding the key into the hole it clicked open. As the cabinet came open a blade fell out, giving Schuldig just enough time to pull away so it only caught his cheek.  
  
"Shit." he swore as he felt a thin line of liquid course from the wound.  
  
Picking up the knife, he set it on the counter and reached further to extract Farfarello's blender. Once he got it out he looked around for something for the madman to shred. He picked up an orange and a few bananas from the basket on the table and dug around the fridge, finally pulling out strawberries and headed to Farfarello's cell. Upon entering he saw the Irishman sitting cross-legged in the corner tracing the tip of one of his many blades over his wrist just barely, not even enough to break the skin. Shutting the door and locking it behind him, Schuldig entered and went over to the other redhead{2}.  
  
He didn't move as Schuldig entered and sat down beside him, setting down the man's blender overflowing with fruit. Schuldig didn't mind the lack of response, what was he supposed to say anyway? 'Thanks Schuldig for rescuing my blender! Your so great!', puh, yeah and bats were going to fly out of the redhead's ass too. Finally becoming bored of Farfarello's little figure eight designs on his pale skin, Schuldig cleared his throat, sending him a bored sort of look.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"Companionship from somebody who's not psycho, about 18 years younger than me, mono-toned or has a stick shoved up their ass. What do you want?" Schuldig inquired, reaching into his pocket for a cigarette.  
  
"Do you really care what I want?" the Irishman countered, his eye moving over to his companion.  
  
"Come to think of it, not really. Unless, of course, you care to share..I'm all ears." Schuldig said, blowing smoke up into the air.  
  
Farfarello watched the smoke rise until it disappeared, allowing his eyes to linger on Schuldig's lips as he brought the cigarette to his lips again. Schuldig studied Farfarello from behind his half-lowered lashes interestedly as the rusty haired redhead looked at him.  
  
"See something you like?" he drawled, a lazy smirked coming to his lips.  
  
"Don't smoke in here." He said simply, turning his attention now to his blender. "It smells."  
  
The German blinked at him for a moment before chuckling to himself. He took one last huff from his cigarette and put it out on the cell floor. He watched as Farfarello began to peel the banana slowly and shook his head.  
  
"You're a real piece of work, you know that Farf?" he asked, picking up a strawberry and twisting the green off the top.  
  
"No more then you are." was the nonchalant response Schuldig received.  
  
Raising an eyebrow at the Irishman's reply, Schuldig waited until the blender and its great noise were stopped to ask a question that he'd been wondering for some time.  
  
"So it was you hanging around outside the bathroom last night, wasn't it?"  
  
Farfarello paused in his blending and stared down at the fruits for a moment before simply picking up another and beginning his process again. Shaking her head Schuldig let out a small snort of amusement. The loud sound of the processing blender echoed through the cell again and Schuldig waited once more for its end. When it did, he looked over at his fellow redhead blankly.  
  
"So, you think I'm crazy now?" he asked monotonously.  
  
This comment seemed to affect the assassin more then that of the previous accusation of lurking and his activity ceased completely. He stopped right before hitting the liquefy button, his finger lingering over it. Finally he raised his gaze from his work over to the German beside him, his face set and eyes blank. Schuldig wondered vaguely if the man was going to kill him or some worse fate.  
  
"The question is not whether I think you are crazy," the man said certainly. "It is a question of whether you believe you are crazy or not. Do you think you're crazy, Schuldig?"  
  
Schuldig rolled his eyes, "I'm hallucinating about a girl I haven't seen since I was 13, I'm having nonstop nightmares, I haven't been laid in a month and I'm hearing voices-Yeah, I'd say I'm officially crazy."  
  
There was an awkward sort of pause that Schuldig had never experienced while in Farfarello's presence and chanced a look over at him. Farfarello's singular eye was fixed on Schuldig unblinkingly and he looked like he was caught slightly off guard by the man's answer. It was definitely a look Schuldig had never seen the Irishman wear before. Finally the younger man averted his gaze back to his blender. Daringly Schuldig decided to ask a question he hoped he wouldn't get killed for asking.  
  
"Do you think you're crazy, Farfarello?" he asked, breaking the silence.  
  
There was paused and Farfarello didn't look at the man as he answered.  
  
"I don't think so." He said, his voice hardly even a whisper.  
  
He looked over at Schuldig, his single reddish colored eye locking with Schuldig's jade orbs. He studied the man for a moment, as if waiting for him to laugh or make a witty remark about this, but Schuldig sat silently, returning the studying stare.  
  
"Do you think I'm crazy?" the Irishman asked, again very softly.  
  
Schudlig smirked, "It doesn't matter what I think remember? Eh, but.just for the record.." He paused for a moment before closing his eyes. "I don't think you're crazy."  
  
Apparently satisfied with this answer, Farfarello leaned back against the cell wall and fiddled with the buttons on his blender. Schuldig sighed and put his hands behind his head wearily; his jade green eyes fixed on the ceiling above them. The blender came on and then off again after a while, as it did Farfarello removed the lid looking at his concoction.  
  
"I don't think you're crazy, either." He said solemnly, picking up another strawberry. "You can see and hear things others can't and still be sane, just as long as you know what you're seeing isn't real."  
  
Farfarello started his blending process over again and the cell was silent except for the contraption liquefying the fruits. The process went a few more times until during a lull of silence Schuldig looked at over his fellow redhead with a small smile.  
  
"Thanks, Farf."  
  
The Irishman looked over at Schuldig, another odd, slightly surprised look upon his pale face. His mouth went from it's slight 'o' shape to a wry sort of smirk. Schuldig returned the smirk with a grin and let his eyes fall shut to the oddly relaxing sound of Farfarello's blender.  
  
*  
  
{1} Analgesic; a medical condition which enables you to feel pain! Sounds like Farf, neh? ^^  
  
{2} I like Manga Farfarello better, there for he has rusty red hair.  
  
Oki so...this chapter wasn't much better than the first, but.....we've been really busy lately so they've been rushed. Next chapter will get better.......we hope.....X_x - Otsu and Ari 


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